


Piece by Piece

by Liuli



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Temporary Character Death, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, because NO ONE dies not even loki let me be, cause if i wanted a sad ending i'd just go and watch endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liuli/pseuds/Liuli
Summary: Being haunted by nightmares was horrible, but when trying to distract himself Peter expected new suit ideas, or even make his webs better. He did not, at all, expect to find letters dedicated to him.And they seemed to be goodbye letters.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Piece by Piece

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is the first time I write an Irondad fanfiction so please, bear with me lmao 
> 
> Also, I think I need to make it clear, everyone's alive and the blip only lasted a few months, max a year, because I'm that bitch and the Russos can go cry :)
> 
> I hope you like it!!

Peter woke up in a sudden rush of panic, of course, due to another nightmare. It was very usual these days. Getting ready for bed, and fighting with everything he had in himself to not fall asleep until he could hold back no more. Then he’d have the dreams. Metal wings over his head, dropping him on the sand, the feeling of not being able to breath because there was just so much smoke. Then the scenario would change, he’d go from beach park to a building, concrete walls falling on his back while he’d scream and beg for someone to get him. To help him. No one ever came, and he’d eventually stop breathing and become pure ash, floating in an alien planet. 

And so, he would wake up. 

Truly, in the back of his mind he knew it was a well justified trauma, but it didn’t change the fact that it had been over a year, almost two if considering the blip. And then again that was the thing with a human being’s mind, right? It doesn’t matter how much time passes, if it hurt you, it hurt you. There was not much to do besides trying to get over it, or at least that’s what his brain had decided. Whatever, he was on board. Talking wasn’t exactly an option, he couldn’t bear worrying the two closest adults he had in his life with that. Not more than they already did. 

And so, he got up and after a, well-deserved and needed, hot shower went directly down to the labs. Weekends were his days in the tower as May would use hers to volunteering. He knew if he went to the room, just at the end of the corridor, to find Tony, he would listen, but then again, the man already had enough on his plate and putting more guilt on his shoulders would never, ever, be his intention, so he didn’t. 

The lab had been almost completely destroyed after he came back. He still remembers having a full mental breakdown, falling on his knees, after seeing the scene. Tony was in a coma at the time and they had no idea if he would wake up. He had no idea how to react. It was the possible loss of a fourth parental figure and he wasn’t ready for that. Just thinking about it still gave him goosebumps. He remembers Steve taking him home back to May who hugged him tight and whispered endless promises of always being there. They made a fort in the living room of their new apartment that night and watched countless movies. All cartoon like, not Star Wars. Never Star Wars. It hurt and reminded too much of movie night he didn’t know he’d ever have again. So, definitely not Star Wars. 

It took him almost two weeks to actually go and visit his mentor in the hospital, the sight of him pale and weak in the bed almost instantly bringing tears to his eyes. It took almost an entire month for him to wake up and when he did, Peter was not at all expecting the full sobbing mess the man became just by looking to the side and seeing him there. It was the best hug they’d ever had and Peter was so so so relieved their last hug wouldn’t be the one they shared in the battlefield. He was still so anxious but still so happy, he just wanted to live in the moment. 

Of course, because life is a bitch and God has abandoned this timeline, it was too much to ask for the nightmares to never come back. 

They did. 

They always did. 

The boy entered the room and went immediately check where he had left his notes for what he wanted to add to his suit. He couldn’t exactly go around messing with things but it’s not like he needed to wait for Tony to at least write down his ideas. But he had no clue where was his notebook, no clue at all. 

Peter debated internally with himself if he should try and go to bed or decide to look around. He knew there would be no sleep for him more than what he got before being plagued by nightmares so, he picked the second option hoping it would be a quick search and distract him enough that his brain would shut up. He did not expect to find a box full of letters. 

Each having a date and a name scribed down. 

Letters with his name written on it. 

He remembered, vaguely, the man telling him he wasn’t doing so fine and had to find a way to take out that grief off his head and chest. He never asked how he did it or what he did but Tony had made it clear it that he was going to know after he came back because _“Fuck Thanos, there was just no way I wouldn’t get you back.”_ , but they never actually talked about it. Spending time together was more important. 

He ignored Friday’s incessant questioning if he was okay and simply sat down, box in his hands, breathing in and out, and opened one letter. A tear stained paper; letters messy as if it was written by a drunk person. And it probably was. 

_“10/08_

_Hey Pete._

_I don’t know how to properly do this because there was never place in my mind for the thought that you could go before I did. But my therapist says it would be a good thing and Pepper agrees, so..._

_But things are so hard, I have no idea what to do or how to react and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I let this happen to you, I’m so sorry I’m the reason you’ll never get married or have kids or simply travel around or even go to college._

_I’m so sorry._

_I’ve never deserved you, but then again no one does. No one is good enough compared to you._

_You’re light and you’re caring and you’re the hope of a future everyone’s been dreaming of. At least you were, and I ruined it._

_I will never, ever forgive myself for what I put you through, for letting you die when you were begging me to live. I’m so sorry, for everything. I wish more than anything in the world to find a way to bring you back and so help me, I will._

_They keep telling me I need to let you go and learn to deal with my grief but there is just no verson of me, no reality or universe or whatever, there’s just no way in the fucking hell I’ll ever be okay with losing the most important person of my life, my child, my literal reason not to spiral._

_Today would’ve been your birthday and you’re not here and I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry you’re not living up to this. And at the same time, I’m so glad May isn’t around either. You two deserve to be together and I can only beg that whenever you are, you two actually are together._

_They put your name on the missing people’s memorial but I couldn’t bring myself to go out there, I’d rather die, and I hope I will, than see all that’s left of you is a name in a tombstone._

_I don’t believe there is a God out there because then I’d have to deal with the fact that he just doesn’t care enough. And if that’s what God is, he’s a sick son of a bitch._

_Tonight, when I drift of, I don’t want to be dreaming of you. I want to close my eyes never to open again until you’re there waiting for me._

_I just really need you back.”_

_“31/10_

_I never thought halloween would be such a hard day for me._

_I keep remembering your incessant chattering about what costume you and Ted were going to wear, I still remember you trying to convince me to go out dressed in the armor and see if someone would notice._

_I tried to go out today (forcedly) to clear my head because it doesn’t matter how much time passes, I see you everywhere, and I just want to trade places with you. I saw a little boy wearing a Spider-Man costume and he sounded so sad and I just want to die because I did this. I took you from everyone’s life._

_And I’m so sorry.”_

Peter didn't know when exactly he started to cry, but he could feel the tears on his face like waterfalls, water always running and not stopping. His body trembled softly as he read it, not paying attention to anything while he read more and more letters. 

He never knew how much his death had affect his father figure and now that he did, he was having a hard time coming to terms with that. 

_“25/04_

_There’s a way._

_I found a way to possibly get you back._

_Our internship picture made me do it, for months I’ve been doing things wrong and now I finally have it, so I think this is going to be the last thing I write. And these letters were never meant for anybody to see, so if you’re reading this, I’m not here anymore._

_I’m sorry because I think I know what’s this is gonna do to you, at least I hope you don’t hate me so much it leaves you incapable of feeling something, anything. But I had to do it. You were one of the most important things in my life and I feel sorry for myself, sorry that it took me so long to see that. You never deserved to die on that hell of a place, you don’t ever deserve getting hurt and I’m so sorry I hurt you._

_For months I’ve been trying to find a way to make it possible and I’d say I’m surprised that all it took was to make it upside down, but I’m not. That’s what you do to everyone, you turn their lives upside down and make us better. Because you’re the best._

_So, I’m going to go the compound tomorrow and I will do my best to make sure you’re coming home._

_You are coming home._

_And when you’re back here, if I’m not, please don’t keep on grieving forever. I want nothing more than for you to be the happiest you can, live your life, go out with Ted and MJ, give May a tight hug for me and know you will always have each other. Please don’t let me not being here be a cataclysmic event in your life, you deserve better than that._

_I’m so proud of you. Truly, I am. So proud, just like your parents and uncle are too. You’ve surprised me in ways I never thought anyone would. You gave me hope right in a moment all I wanted to be was a dead body and for that I am so grateful. You gave me a glimpse of what is it like to be and to feel like a parent, like a father, when I never knew I could be more than what Howard had decided I was._

_You saw me as the broken person I’ve always been and you made me see that, piece by piece, I could heal. And yes, I’m broken all over again but that doesn’t change how grateful I am that I ever met you._

_I don’t know if I’ll be there when this is all fixed but whenever I am, I will be looking after you, because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”_

Peter was so absorbed in the newfound box of sadness and memories that he didn't hear the lab doors open, didn't hear footsteps approaching until they suddenly stopped behind him. He knew exactly who it was but he couldn’t bring himself to look. 

“Kiddo?” the man said, softly approaching and touching his shoulders, always careful, always caring “Friday said you-” 

Tony couldn’t possibly finish the phrase as he soon felt himself get hit with a hug. He caressed the boy’s hair and held him tight enough for him to feel that he was not alone. He saw the box with the letter tossed in the ground and a wave of understanding feelings immediately went through the man. He should have prepared for this scenario, yet he didn’t. 

“Why would you write that? Why would you do that to me?!” Peter all but screamed, forcing himself to get free of the mentor’s grip. He was hurt and he was scared and he didn’t want to think he could have lost this. 

“You weren’t supposed to see that.” 

“And that makes it better?” 

“No, it doesn’t but Pete...” the man started, controlling his voice to not let the cracks appear. Peter could see it, he always could. “Kid, you died. That’s not- it's just, it was too much.” Tony started, he didn’t want to talk, but he had to and he knew it. 

“Each day that passed I dreamt of you. And I know real you would never say the things you said in those dreams, even though you should. But... it wasn’t a lie. I was the one who let you there, I was the one who made it possible for you to get there and I’m never, ever, going to forgive myself for that. I came back wrong, practically destroyed because I had lost you. I was underweight, hurt and psychologically haunted and you know that’s not the kind of thing I admit out loud, but I can’t lie. I was doing bad, really bad. Pepper basically forced me to go and see a therapist and she, the doctor, suggested I started writing those. And I did, most of the times drunk out of my ass, but I did it. Because I knew, deep down, that I was going to get you back and I wanted you to have at least those when you were here.” 

“None of what happened was your fault.” Peter said hugging the other man tighter as if his embrace could prevent him from ever leaving, he never stopped and payed attention but he could notice how thin he looked in the hospital bed. “Thanos is to blame, please don’t do that to yourself. You don’t deserve to feel that, I know you don’t believe me but you do not deserve any of that. Don’t disagree with me, please.” he said desperately as if words alone could help the man turn decades of self-loathing into understanding. “I’m the one who is undeserving.” 

“No, you’re not. Stop that. You deserve everything good. You deserve May, and Ned, and that scary friend of yours, you deserve good things. You asked me why I would do that and it’s because you weren’t here and it broke me. It broke me. And I had to bring you back, even if it meant I wouldn’t be here, because I love you. I love you and you not being here hurt too much to simply not do anything. It hurt.” 

Deep down, he imagined. He didn’t know how much it would hurt, but he did imagine. He saw it when everyone came back, despite only being a few months, the haunted look on the face of those who stayed. He saw it on the way the whole internet exploded in people shocked and coming back to their twitter like _“lol what the fuck happened I was washing my hair and then I wasn’t”._ He saw it in the way Happy looked at him when they once again met, he never expected the hug. He saw it in the way Thor held his brother. 

He saw it. 

But he still didn’t see this coming. 

Because he was Penis Parker, and he wasn’t important enough unless he was in the suit. He was a kid desperate to find people he could keep because almost everyone he ever had in his life hadn't stayed. He was a kid that still blamed himself for a death he was not guilty of. He was Spider-Man but he was also Peter and he deemed himself unbearable because he never thought someone would consider him important enough. 

“I know what you’re thinking.” Tony said softly ruffling his hair “And you’re wrong. I know you don’t understand how people love you but they do, we do, I do.” 

“I love you too... I’m not doing okay.” 

Admitting was the hardest thing. But he did it, not only because he owned to let him and May know the truth, but also because he owned it to himself, and it was time to pay that debt. 

“I’m not okay either. But I will be, and so will you. We’ll get better, there’s therapy, there are exercises. We’ll get there.” 

“Thank you for not giving up on me.” 

“Thank you for the same thing. What do you think about Star Wars?” He asked causing a smile to show up on the kid’s face. The kid should always be smiling. 

“Sounds awesome.”

And they knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Tony knew he’d always look at Peter and see that haunted look as he drifted off the face of earth. He knew Rhodes, Happy and Pepper would probably always going to have to pick a fight with him so he would eat at least a bit. 

Peter knew he was never gonna be comfortable inside small spaces ever again. He knew May was still going to look at him worriedly as if in the blink of an eye they could disappear and lose each other again. 

They both knew they were broken and they both knew that was okay, because for the first time in forever, they felt they were worthy enough to be heal.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking your time and reading this story, I really liked writing this. 
> 
> Have a good day/night and remember to drink water :)


End file.
